yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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