sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
