ugly people sure do ruin things
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
