When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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