i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
