He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
