Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
