i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
