I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
