I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
