my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
