11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
