dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
