wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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