When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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