so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
