you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
