barbara walters just said penis...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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