Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
