Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
