How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
