Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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