Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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