I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
