just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
