I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
