sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
