That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
