Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
zippers are such a cool invention
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
