so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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