she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
