I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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