we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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