All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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