I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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