never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
