Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
