she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
