Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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