i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
