I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
