I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
