the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
