This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
