Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
