Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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