I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
