Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
