I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
