wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
