Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
