I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
